Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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