dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
