32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
