Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
