Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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