Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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