what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
