he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
