So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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