I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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