you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
