I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
