If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
