What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
