that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
