i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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