Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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