i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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