U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
