I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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