I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
