found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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