What a fucking waste of an outfit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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