Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
