I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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