We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
