she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
