I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
