I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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