I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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