he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
