After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
