im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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