so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
