I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
