its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
