Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
