I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
