there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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