I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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