I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
