I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
try to milk me bitch
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