i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
