I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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