Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
