im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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