You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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