Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well you can't waste a boner
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
