What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
