you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
