And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
